Of course there was the Funeral to organise. Dad had had the foresight when my mother died to purchase the plot in the graveyard next to her.
My mum wanted a ‘Green’ burial, so we had her buried in a wicker coffin at the nearest Green Burial Ground, which as it turned out, was near Olney in Northamptonshire, the county that she was born in. This then, was where Dad was going. We went to the same Funeral Director; funnily enough they had not been back to the Burial Ground since and had to do another dummy run to see how long it would take to get there as you can’t just look it up on Google as they don’t have a setting for Hearse. Turned out that one of the Pall bearers knew my Dad from going to the same church a few years earlier and his daughter works in the mortuary at the hospital, and she knew Dad as well.
We had been in contact with the Minister at the Church that my Dad went to whilst he was in Hospital as they were all keen on news of how he was doing and were devastated when he died. She, having known him for quite a number of years was more than happy to do a short, family only burial and then do a Thanksgiving Service at the church later. All we had to do was to pick some hymns and readings and sort out the Order of Service. We had the Burial, the sun came out halfway through, we then went to the same Pub restaurant for lunch that we had gone to after my mum’s burial and yes I found the receipt for it in my Dad’s stuff!
The whole day went really well, both services were very good, all except for someone on line that I think had been left to watch it but wasn’t on mute and had no idea how to go on mute, so every now and then you could hear them talking, but apart from that.
With a lot of help from my wife, we sorted out the Thanksgiving service choosing hymns and readings, finding the version of the hymn you want, with the right words, online. We found the necessary pictures of Dad and Mum and then arranged it. I had done my mum’s and my father in law’s orders of service, so I had a couple of templates to work with. Bought the card and secured the use of a photocopier and long armed stapler, we printed and compiled all of the orders of service.
Delivered most of them to the minister for distribution on the day and kept a few back so that I could post them to a few old friends of my dad’s that I knew would not be able to come as they lived many miles away and or were not well enough to travel.
One was a cousin of my dad’s that lives next to the Eden project down in Cornwall, she sent me an email to say thank you and added a little bit of family news which I have been able to add to my tree. I was a bit lacking on her side of the family so we have exchanged a few emails now and I have been quite keenly getting into the family history again.
So the fun begins, clearing out your parent’s house. Being able to get rid of all that stuff that you have been itching to get rid of for ages, all those James Patterson novels, the James Bond Films, on VHS! Being able to go through the kitchen cupboards and ditching all of the out of date food without any argument, all the Bills, paperwork and receipts that are way more than 10 years old. For weeks now I have been making at least one trip a week to the Tidy Tip with a car full of stuff. I’ve been donating to the local Charity shops almost in rotation so that none of them gets fed up with me. Just wait until I start on the Garage and the Shed. Oh yeah, I have. The other week I left a great big pile of stuff, including a steel cabinet, some racking, a kids bike and various other metal items, out for the scrap metal man, which he duly took.
Within days of putting them on line, I have sold his Stair lift, his beaten up old trailer and I got a good price for his nearly new Rise and Recline chair (He only had it 5 weeks). Still, the loft is now empty and as I’m going through the shed and the garage I am trying to sort out what of his tools etc I can make use of and what I can take to a Charity that sends Tools to Africa.
The question then arises, what to keep and what to throw. I know people that have kept clothes for years and years, just as a reminder because no-one is going to wear them. Others it seems get something like a favourite jumper or a cardigan and get it made into a cushion cover and keep that as a reminder and get rid of the rest. The problem is, the more you keep the more that your children will have to get rid of when you go, or if you move house you’ve got more to sort through when you move. I’ve tried to keep as little as possible, some small keepsakes or mementos, medals or awards that they won either through pastimes or work. I’ve found three lifesaving awards that my mum got!
Then there are the photographs, sorting through them, throwing away all the days out to who knows where, the pictures of hills and fields, pictures of your parent’s friends that you never met and only knew the first names of, countless pictures of your dad asleep in an armchair and weddings!
Weddings of people you don’t know, dozens of shots at weddings of people you do know, family weddings and weddings of people you know are not together and have since married someone else. The bin has gotten quite full with unwanted photos. Then of course there are the old black and white photo’s that haven’t got a name on the back and are Auntie and Uncle someone or other. Is that my Grandad when he was young or my great Grandad? Will some sad relative who’s researching the family tree be interested or can I ditch it without telling anyone. If I give them to my Aunt, what will her children do with them when she dies? So I’ve kept them and put them in a box so that I can slowly but surely go through them, scan them and try to put a name an approximate date on the back.
Don’t get me started on sorting out bank and building society accounts, premium bonds, pensions etc. Most of it is quite simple, there is a thing called Tell us once, you go online fill in a form with the name, address national insurance number, stuff like that, tick the boxes of the people you want to tell, for instance; the local council, HMRC, DVLA and they will sort all that out. You still have to claim back the car tax and swap the ownership yourself but that’s easy. Utilities! Some have been great, made it so easy others less so. Of course he’d changed phone providers 6 weeks before he died and signed up to a 2 year deal, paid a years rental in advance, which of course is non refundable and you have to pay penalty for stopping the contract early, Thanks Dad!
You ring up all the charities whose mailing list he is on or he is a member of. Please take him off the list; please don’t send his renewal notice. You still get the quarterly magazines and the new membership card even though the bank account is closed and they haven’t had the money. Although it has virtually stopped now but I do have to go round at least once a week, not to check the post but as a condition of the house insurance as there is no-one in the house. That was one of the easy ones!